It’s certainly hard to motivate when you’re already tired. “August” by Flipturn is a track I’ve had on repeat for a few weeks now. Even though it’s early October and I first heard the song in the middle of September.
Speaking of the humidity made me sweat while walking home from the gym last night. I had a sweater on because it’s early October and has been getting chillier in the evenings for the last two weeks. But I left the gym last night and by the time we crossed the river I felt my forearms damp against the cotton.
We’ve been playing board games more consistently these days. Something to take the edge off, something to pass the time. Something to keep us occupied while we wait until the night.
I went into work today, my day off, to help with a small project. It took six hours and I had to reschedule a dentist’s appointment. But I’m very glad I did, not the least because it means an extra little bonus on the paycheck.
It’s got to be a good sign that when I’m not at work or climbing, I really wish I was. Right now, after spending six hours on a side project on my day off, I’m looking forward to tomorrow when I get to do it again. And I look forward to the weekend when I get to climb outside.
That must be a good sign.
“A vocation.” A coworker called it recently and I find it hard to disagree. Especially when I could easily ride for Jimmy John’s again and make almost double what I make now. But there’s no fun in that. When I rode for Jimmy John’s before I would look forward to the weekends, my rest days, and usually the ends of my three-hour shifts. Don’t get me wrong, weaving in traffic, riding hard for measly tips, and the rush of food service still calls my thoughts now and again. But it isn’t the same as genuinely wishing there were more hours in the day to spend climbing or working. These days, at the climbing gym, I’ll happily and easily spend six hours working, head home for a snack and a nap, then pop back again for a workout and to see friends.
A vocation indeed.
By the time we crossed the river I felt my forearms damp against the cotton.
I substituted udad flour for spelt flour in the banana bread I’ve been making recently. Udad flour is lentil flour. I bought it from the Indian grocery store on Prospect when I had notions of recreating a vegan egg substitute. I tried once, impressively failed, decided to try again some other time and ended up using it all on pancakes and banana bread.
Most banana bread is too moist. Like cake. Many loaves come out of the oven too cakey and wet, akin to dessert rather than bread. Bread only in name and zero percent in practice. I want bread. Don’t lie to me. Let me eat bread.
Udad flour takes away the moisture and the sweetness. It’s denser, tougher, and makes you want a glass of soy milk to wash it down with. The only downside is that lentils have a ton of fiber, and I haven’t been eating all that much fiber recently. So, every time I’ve made a loaf of lentil banana bread it’s been a waiting game for the farts to start. And combine that with the extra effort I’m making to eat more protein and you’ve got a gassy shift.
The truth is I’ve been tracking my food intake. It started a couple of weeks ago when I felt shitty. I was tired, unfocused, lazy, and generally feeling off. I think now that I was sick. It got me thinking, though, that my diet might not be up to snuff anymore. It used to be, sure, but I hadn’t reconsidered what I was eating in a long time, not since I started working at the gym. And low and behold, all those calories I was burning at work weren’t getting replenished in my meals. I operated in a deficit in every day I tracked. Then I made it a point to start eating more. It’s a slow process but I’m certainly getting better.
At work, there would be days I felt like shit and days I felt okay. I zeroed in on a possible solution two months ago when I noticed I would routinely take my second cup of coffee to the gym in the morning rather than have it at home while reading a little extra. I would get to the gym before being regularly caffeinated and, unfortunately, I am one of those “don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee” people. Those days would set me up for a bad mood.
I started drinking my second cup before going in and, wouldn’t you know it, I started feeling better.
The other change that made the biggest difference turned out to be the consistency of my snacks. With the flow of the workday, I needed an extra energy bar around mid-morning, then right after lunch, and then again in mid-afternoon. Those energy bars obviously surrounding a large, veggie and carb-heavy lunch with a foundation of top-notch oatmeal for breakfast. Then anything I wanted for dinner so long as it was rich in protein and an absolute shit ton of it.
What’s the message here? The words are ragged and consist. I’ve given you what makes me ragged and explain what I consist of these days. We are what we yadda yadda.
The message might be eating healthy, but anyone can do that. It might be staying conscious of how you feel and how changes in diet change how you feel. But apps solved that for us long ago.
I think it’s something different, something about vocations. You wouldn’t put vegetable oil in your diesel engine in the same way I don’t like putting ice cream in my body. It doesn’t work, it makes me miserable, and often ends with a bad day at work. But if I can put together a healthy, filling, macronutrient-hitting menu for a few days in a row, I’m better at my vocation. I think I just need to remind myself that I’m trying, and I’m doing okay.
Craig Carey 
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